Sonnet XVII
A place where only brave men dare to go,
A weaker man so surely crushed by fear.
Why is your aura terrifying so
To make so many wary to go near?
So much to sacrifice to use your seat:
Our pride, our smell, or cushy wooden chair.
The strong desire to simply be discrete,
No obstacle too large for those who dare.
And in a time of weakness, of demise
No other options present in the world
The struggle oh so painful, grand in size
Entire body hurt, cheeks clenched, toes curled
Your arms fling open wide, a welcomed feel
Allowing sweet release, a love so real.
Monday, April 26, 2010
I didn't really want that B in Russian anyway
Bathroom floor is wet,
There are no more paper towels.
Life can be so hard.
You knock on the door
Expecting me to respond,
But I am mid-push.
Rounding the corner
She won't look me in the eyes.
"I know your secret!"
There are no more paper towels.
Life can be so hard.
You knock on the door
Expecting me to respond,
But I am mid-push.
Rounding the corner
She won't look me in the eyes.
"I know your secret!"
Monday, April 19, 2010
I honestly didn't want that A in Russian anyway
Sitting at my table, a book in my hand
Reading, my eyes slowly filling with sand
I feel a sharp pressure, not hunger or hurt
Old Mother Nature had sent her alert.
As the pressure got worse, I filled up with fear
I thought to myself: "Oh why God, why here..."
I slowly got up trying to find an excuse
"There's no use," I thought, "they'll know its a ruse."
I let out my fib but my friends were not phased
Who'd have thought they'd believe I would buy a parfait
I crept down the stairs, but what they did not know:
The Biblio was not where I was destined to go.
When I finally arrived to the quiet first floor
I noticed a line forming at the Deuce Door
"No one can know what I came here to do!"
Secretly waiting, I hid behind vinyl rack two.
As the line shortened I planned my attack
I slipped in the door and it locked with a smack.
"I can finally relax, I've made it, yippee!
I've let no one know I do else but just pee"
But quickly my horror sprang with a splatter
For the silence outside had certainly been shattered
What I thought would be silent, quick, and not noticed
Was actually the opposite. Ugh, I was so pissed.
My worst nightmare was real, there was a line outside.
I could hear their cackles, the door cracks must be wide!
My face filled with red, nowhere could I have hid.
"Fuck, now I'll never get that great sorority bid."
I wiped, flushed, and washed, prepared for my doom
Opened the door, made my way out the bathroom.
Expecting the worst I braced for impact,
"I swear if there's a cute boy out here I won't know how to act."
But to my amazement there was no one outside
It was all in my head, I held on to my pride.
I pranced back to my table where my friends were still sitting
"You smell like poop," one said, "I fucking knew you were shitting."
Reading, my eyes slowly filling with sand
I feel a sharp pressure, not hunger or hurt
Old Mother Nature had sent her alert.
As the pressure got worse, I filled up with fear
I thought to myself: "Oh why God, why here..."
I slowly got up trying to find an excuse
"There's no use," I thought, "they'll know its a ruse."
I let out my fib but my friends were not phased
Who'd have thought they'd believe I would buy a parfait
I crept down the stairs, but what they did not know:
The Biblio was not where I was destined to go.
When I finally arrived to the quiet first floor
I noticed a line forming at the Deuce Door
"No one can know what I came here to do!"
Secretly waiting, I hid behind vinyl rack two.
As the line shortened I planned my attack
I slipped in the door and it locked with a smack.
"I can finally relax, I've made it, yippee!
I've let no one know I do else but just pee"
But quickly my horror sprang with a splatter
For the silence outside had certainly been shattered
What I thought would be silent, quick, and not noticed
Was actually the opposite. Ugh, I was so pissed.
My worst nightmare was real, there was a line outside.
I could hear their cackles, the door cracks must be wide!
My face filled with red, nowhere could I have hid.
"Fuck, now I'll never get that great sorority bid."
I wiped, flushed, and washed, prepared for my doom
Opened the door, made my way out the bathroom.
Expecting the worst I braced for impact,
"I swear if there's a cute boy out here I won't know how to act."
But to my amazement there was no one outside
It was all in my head, I held on to my pride.
I pranced back to my table where my friends were still sitting
"You smell like poop," one said, "I fucking knew you were shitting."
My First Pookus
#1
You came here to poop.
Why are you too embarrassed
To poop in a stall?
#2
Walking to floor one.
Too afraid someone might hear
Eighty percent fart.
#3
Privacy is key.
Boys might hear you through the cracks!
What would Kappa think?
#4
What's brown and sticky?
The inside of the toilet.
I know what you did!
#5
What's more important:
Your essay or a nice dump?
March your ass downstairs!
#6
Thank God I made it!
No one can know my secret!
...Outside someone waits.
You came here to poop.
Why are you too embarrassed
To poop in a stall?
#2
Walking to floor one.
Too afraid someone might hear
Eighty percent fart.
#3
Privacy is key.
Boys might hear you through the cracks!
What would Kappa think?
#4
What's brown and sticky?
The inside of the toilet.
I know what you did!
#5
What's more important:
Your essay or a nice dump?
March your ass downstairs!
#6
Thank God I made it!
No one can know my secret!
...Outside someone waits.
If you have to ask
For the select few of you not familiar with the phenomenon affectionately known as the Deuce Bathroom, located on the first floor of our very own Waidner-Spahr Library, let me give you a short introduction.
The Deuce Bathroom is located on the first floor of the library, on the outskirts of the quiet section, around the corner near the vinyl that no one has touched or even glanced at. This bathroom is unique in that no one has ever ventured into it without pooping. I shit you not (heheheeh), maybe one person in this world has begun their journey to the DB with the sole intention of peeing, but they inevitability said "fuck it" and decided to shit while they were there anyway. If you've never done business there I recommend you do as soon as possible. Besides, you don't want to risk that cute boy studying outside the upstairs bathroom to hear you deuce!
Much like all aspects of life, the feelings and mechanics of the DB can best be communicated through art and poetry, so I've taken the liberty of doing just that. Enjoy.
The Deuce Bathroom is located on the first floor of the library, on the outskirts of the quiet section, around the corner near the vinyl that no one has touched or even glanced at. This bathroom is unique in that no one has ever ventured into it without pooping. I shit you not (heheheeh), maybe one person in this world has begun their journey to the DB with the sole intention of peeing, but they inevitability said "fuck it" and decided to shit while they were there anyway. If you've never done business there I recommend you do as soon as possible. Besides, you don't want to risk that cute boy studying outside the upstairs bathroom to hear you deuce!
Much like all aspects of life, the feelings and mechanics of the DB can best be communicated through art and poetry, so I've taken the liberty of doing just that. Enjoy.
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