I honestly didn't want that A in Russian anyway

Sitting at my table, a book in my hand
Reading, my eyes slowly filling with sand
I feel a sharp pressure, not hunger or hurt
Old Mother Nature had sent her alert.

As the pressure got worse, I filled up with fear
I thought to myself: "Oh why God, why here..."
I slowly got up trying to find an excuse
"There's no use," I thought, "they'll know its a ruse."

I let out my fib but my friends were not phased
Who'd have thought they'd believe I would buy a parfait
I crept down the stairs, but what they did not know:
The Biblio was not where I was destined to go.

When I finally arrived to the quiet first floor
I noticed a line forming at the Deuce Door
"No one can know what I came here to do!"
Secretly waiting, I hid behind vinyl rack two.

As the line shortened I planned my attack
I slipped in the door and it locked with a smack.
"I can finally relax, I've made it, yippee!
I've let no one know I do else but just pee"

But quickly my horror sprang with a splatter
For the silence outside had certainly been shattered
What I thought would be silent, quick, and not noticed
Was actually the opposite. Ugh, I was so pissed.

My worst nightmare was real, there was a line outside.
I could hear their cackles, the door cracks must be wide!
My face filled with red, nowhere could I have hid.
"Fuck, now I'll never get that great sorority bid."

I wiped, flushed, and washed, prepared for my doom
Opened the door, made my way out the bathroom.
Expecting the worst I braced for impact,
"I swear if there's a cute boy out here I won't know how to act."

But to my amazement there was no one outside
It was all in my head, I held on to my pride.
I pranced back to my table where my friends were still sitting
"You smell like poop," one said, "I fucking knew you were shitting."